Obsessive Curiosity Disorder

As a toddler, everybody is curious by nature. That’s how we get to know stuff. Stuff other than bad words, sex jokes, elders making out which has nothing to do with curiosity but more with luck(sweet loving luck!) and that opportunity.

I, me, myself was pretty curious too.

A little too curious.

Very curious.

Dangerously curious.

It all started when I was born.

Age 4: Mom hated when I wouldn’t chew my food properly.

“Bite, bite, bite. Then swallow” is what she would rant every time she would feed me.

I hated and loathed it. Chewing made food look bad. They wouldn’t be nicely shaped anymore. Every food would look the same and every food  would look like goop.

So I started looking out for an alternative.

I love peas. Green and round. And round. And green.

Suddenly epiphany hit me and I found the alternative to food consumption using an inlet other than the mouth.

It was right under my nose and I never noticed it. Literally.

My nostrils. Without looking back I shoved the pea in.

The world started twisting and turning. No wait. I started twisting and turning.

I HAD A NOSE ATTACK! Mom took me to the doctor.

“Give it a few days, she will sneeze and it will be out. No biggie.”

No biggie! No biggie!

“But I can’t breathe!”

“It’s for times like these that we have two nostrils kiddo.”

And I thought it was for shoving in chopsticks to make funny faces.

A month later. I sneezed. The pea was out. It was the same except a gazillion goop ridden. Even more disgusting.

Lesson: Never shove anything in the nose. Not even a finger.

Age 4: I loved grocery shops. Digging my hands into gunny bag full of grains to feel the cool grains in the inners of the bags was nirvana.

My mom told me grains were good for health. But I always wondered why the ones she gave me were different from the ones she would buy. She said it was because she cooked them.

I didn’t think so.

So I took matters in my own hands.

On the next visit, I took no more than 5 grain pieces (For a minimum but notable reaction).

Masticating them was the hard part. Swallowing the most difficult.

Nothing happened. Except a stomach ache. Bad one. Boiled food for a week.

Blaaaak!

Lesson:  Cooking is important.

Age 5: While playing hide and seek, I was on the ultimate mission of discovering the most supreme hiding spot. That spot where no one can seek you. That spot which would make the seeker go maniacal. That spot which would earn me Hider-Of-The-Century.

That spot. I found that spot.

It was beside this particular head statue of a cow attached to a wall. Ah! That cow! It wasn’t a hiding spot for every one. Only I had the perfect built for it.

I sat beside the statue with the head covering the me entirely. Suddenly I noticed this BIG gaping whole underneath it. It was a whole another world down there! Dark, moving, it was calling me. Calling me to explore it.

Discover it. Know it.

To achieve the I-Discovered-Underground-World award.

Since I was hiding in the ultimate area, I could devote myself to discovering Bonbauna. That’s what I was going to name it.

So I peeked. Still dark. More peeking. Still dark. More peeking.

Splash!

A certain force pulled me into Bonbauna. But I wasn’t completely in there. I was stuck in mid transition. Suddenly I got this pungent, nauseous odor. It was the weakening gas that Bonbaunians released due to my intrusion.

A moment later I realized people coming towards me. As they gathered in, I could hear whisperings from people of our world.

“How did she fall in the gutter?”

What the hell are they talking about? What is a gutter? If they are trying to steal away the credit for discovering Bonbauna I’m so going to put ants in their pants! A moment later I saw my dad coming towards me and pulling me back from mid-transition.

“Darling that’s a gutter. It’s a disgusting place. You never go near it and especially never ever jump into it. Your shit goes down there.”

Lesson: Gutters are BAD. BAD BAD BAD.    

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THEY ACTUALLY LIKE ME!!!!(Well my post at least)